When a Seattelite Accidentally Matches with a New Yorker During a Pandemic
As you all know the last month has been a roller-coaster of emotion on a global level. So, I did what any single woman fighting a pandemic would do — downloaded a dating app.
The timeline was right after the first initial cases were identified in the U.S and in my neighborhood and additionally before social distancing was even in my vocabulary and/or bans in public were being made. We were still new-born babies to the era of the Coronavirus.
OK, still the timing wasn’t great, and no it wasn’t the virus that made me do it. I won’t lie though; it might have been a factor. If there was ever a time for the idea of a big strong man to come rescue me, well it would be now.
I should also explain that I am a resilient, independent lady who jokes around a lot and doesn’t require Superman in times of struggle, but I am human. I would also prefer to navigate this alongside a Superman. Louis lane is officially reporting you to duty.
“A SuperDog would be nice too” — a single lady during a pandemic
I downloaded the app and began to swipe right and left and left, left, left…until I was interrupted by a message from an interesting and very attractive fellow. The conversation began to flow until I found out his zip code.
Unfortunately, for me my potential match lived in New York City and not Seattle. I am still new to Hinge and apparently; I didn’t plug in location settings. By some sort of default, I was dating virtually on the East Coast by mistake.
Despite living thousands of miles away from each other, we decided to continue the conversation and take advantage of whatever serendipity was at play. Of course, our focus was the global pandemonium. Instead of the typical ice-breakers like, What do you like to do for fun? We instead had more tantalizing questions like So, can you still meet in public or what? or Have any symptoms?
Which as it turns out is a way more fascinating method to start a conversation in the millennial dating webs, then any stupid “hobby” dialogue.
Mr. New York is sweet, witty, has a great sense of humor, likes to salsa and knows Spanish. He is also white and works as a software engineer and therefore gets double points for being bi-lingual and immersing himself in the Latin dance world. Before our savvy texting thumbs knew it, we were exchanging numbers. My mornings started to begin with text’s that said, “Good Morning, Seattle,” like that was my name or something (silly girl swoon).
Not actually Mr. New York but equally as mysterious and charming.
Throughout the day, we have been updating one another with an insider’s look of how each of our cities is handling the day-by-day odd reality. We send pictures and videos, and FaceTime. I have had an opportunity to experience this crisis through the lens of some of the biggest viral hot spots in the country.
On one particularly creepy Friday the 13th where the Seattle gloomy weather hit a little harder. And on a day, where the trains were empty and the city looked like the zombie apocalypse had hit. I was sure I was in my own episode of Black Mirror.
New York and I decided to take our relationship to the next level, Coronavirus style.
We set up a virtual movie date. I set a time to start the movie. He asked what genre and I said comedy. To which, he responded with a suggestion of Pete Davidson’s comedy special. I said yes and Mr. New York and I participated in a remote first date that any state health official would be proud of. The rest is history. I still don’t know what history we are making, but I do know this.
In fact, I have come to a list of things I know and things I don’t know. Maybe a set of lists should be more properly titled, Things I Can Control, and Things I Can’t. I hear peace and serenity come in knowing this difference.
What I know
I have never chatted with a stranger so much in such a short time. In fact, this much communication without meeting the person would have otherwise, never taken place. I have strict rules about how far I am willing to take a text relationship.
However, during this time, this hasn’t even been an issue. It’s been fun and refreshing getting to know each other without the pressure of dating. In the insignificant daily updates and silly conversations, there is comfort and sincerity.
The week prior, I was optimistic and was talking friends and family off a ledge. Every day is different, however. Norms of how to handle this from week to week are changing rapidly and there is reason to panic.
But we all must be better than any feelings that do not serve us. Fear does not serve us. Fear will destroy us. Acknowledge the fear. Embrace it, even. Take a deep breath and fill your entire body with that damn fear.
But then, make sure you let that nasty stuff go. Breathe it out into the big swoosh of wasted energy that it is. Return to hope and love. Tenacious hope for the future and genuine love for your fellow man.
Keep the Faith
Does hope and love sound corny? I sure hope not. Because within this lies the saving grace and the secret sauce. Personally, I have eternal faith in that which is higher than me and return to God repeatedly.
There have been times, however, where my empathetic being couldn’t escape the collective anxiety. For some reason the ability to connect with someone on another coast experiencing the same thing, has provided unexpected comfort.
This connection makes me feel more than ever, that we are all in this together. The whole world for the first time, is fighting the same enemy. What can be more unifying than that?
I also know
Am I afraid of catching the virus? No. If I was to catch it, I am not in the virus’s target audience for lethal activity. I am symptom-free and have been taking precaution to wash my hands, social distance and keep my immediate environment sterilized.
I am an adventurous extrovert, who finds most comfort in human connection and physical exploration. When my anxiety is triggered, all my wild heart wants to do is get out of the house. Which, is not on the menu for the foreseeable future.
Yes, I am triggered. I will, however, be stronger than my fear. And you can be too. Every day we have a choice. I am choosing to dance with the current life I have been given.
This is literally as well. I have an itch that only 90’s hip-hop can scratch right now and I must divulge there has been some pretty epic solo dance-offs to those beats, while weathering this storm.
I am also in consistent active surrender with the universe.
What does this mean?
The world has just been pushed off a raft in the middle of Class 6 rapids. Hold tight, because my Colorado roots are about to show. Anyone who has ever played on a river knows that in the event of falling in, the only way to survive raging waters is to relax, get on your back and actively go with the flow of the current. There is no possible way to swim against an exploding current without drowning.
My extraordinarily outdoorsy father sees Mother Nature as the greatest teacher. And since I was a child, his words of wisdom have always been riddled with wildlife metaphors. I spent my entire teenage years rolling my eyes at him in these moments.
Let’s just say I have been told to “be like the deer in the woods” more than I would like to admit. For those who don’t speak wildlife, this was his way of telling me to be more aware of my surroundings.
Just recently, I broke the news to him that I had no idea how the hell the deer acted in the woods, but that is an entirely different story.
And yet, here I am as an adult about to lay my own nature analogy on you. I hate when I open my mouth and my dad falls out. As it turns out, my wise father and generally favorite guy on this planet, was right. Mother Nature is a pretty fantastic teacher.
Right now, the world has fallen off its raft. Let’s gracefully get on our backs and flow with the current until we can find a safe time to swim to shore. This doesn’t mean we give up. This means we move with current of the universe while actively looking for solutions. It is the precious path of push and release, tied in the ancient wisdom of the yin and yang, that keeps us in homeostasis and divine harmony.
I know
No matter what, we humans still need to connect. The irony is that the same technology that once distanced us, is now saving our ability to do so.
The other day, I had happy hour at a restaurant and at a safe distance with my friend who works in the city but is now working remotely due to the virus. As I write this now, a public ban to restaurants and bars, that was given with less than 24 hours’ notice, just went into effect. I can’t believe how fast things are changing. Rumors of a mandate that would restrict us all to our homes are circulating. I wonder what that even means or how that would be implemented.
I asked how he was doing with the new work environment. He said that a lot of people have chosen to stay on the video chats long after the meetings have ended. Maybe they have forgotten to log off, but I think it more speaks to a human need to not feel alone in a time of uncertainty. He thought about texting some of them to see if they wanted to come over and work next to each other, but then didn’t as he said “that would be weird.”
Seattle’s “Blade and Timber” before Shelter in Place mandate
What I don’t know
If the chemistry with Mr. New York is a trauma bond or if I’m at the beginning my own version of Sleepless in Seattle. 😊
I don’t know
What will happen tomorrow. Yes, it’s true, none of us do, but then again, did we ever?
Single lady grocery store shopping during a pandemic
I know
We are all one and all of us are feeling somewhat the same. This means, that all actions can have even greater impact. A small act of kindness can go so much further. Today, a Shelter in Place has been mandated. During my once a day designated outside exercise, (that’s a sentence I never thought I would write) I walked by a stranger.
She smiled, looking very concerned and asked me from afar if I was OK. Which in a small town may sound normal but, in a city, known for a freeze, during Corona not so much.
I nodded yes, completely caught off guard. Apparently, seasonal allergies had caused some ugly mascara lines to run down my cheeks. I was trying not to touch my eyes. Therefore, the yucky black lines stayed put until I could find a Kleenex. The stranger thought I was crying. Now, usually being emotional and out in the city would be enough for any city dweller to run the other way, and that was pre-corona. But instead she greeted me with understanding.
The way I looked is how she has felt at least once this week.
Overall, I have found Seattleites to be much chattier, kinder and patient. The city feels clean and hopeful, despite the chaos. It appears that we may all just be getting a thorough spring cleaning.
I don’t know
Anything about the Jewish culture. During a virtual happy hour with a friend, I brought up Mr. New York, who is Jewish. At this moment, her face lit up as she too is from New York and is Jewish. She was suddenly full of insight of who this mystery man is. “Mazel Tov!” she exclaimed.
I know
Conversations about the possibilities with a stranger in New York was and is way better for our health than more discourse about Corona. Hashtag romance in the time of Corona…